Have you ever jumped into something you have no clue about? Metaphorically, I just sailed to an uncharted ocean in a bathtub that floats with a pretty fast engine, yet I brought no supplies, extra gas or any other essentials in a nautical adventure. Translation: what was I thinking when I did that?
"I think my complete lack of allure already shot that horse in the face." - Emma Stone, Easy A
If you’ve ever seen a picture or met me in person, you’ll probably find this fairly accurate, at least physically speaking. When it comes to wits and personality, apparently there is some inexplicable allure within me. Although it’ll take some time before you’ll notice it. But here’s a a crazy twist: it turns out, I’m not as hideous as I (and you) thought. Apparently, some stranger actually liked my eyes. I have no idea why though so don’t ask me. And I have to admit, that was pretty awesome to know. Maybe that was why I even took the leap from this cliff (sorry for the bad metaphors). It was scary, but I knew I wanted to.
And now while it is evident that this crazy, wonderful and totally short experience has finally crashed and burned as I have expected from the beginning, it was, surprisingly, a fun ride. It’s true what they said it’ll get better if you just go with it but still, it kinda sucks (hurts) that it had to end but I guess it was inevitable. It wouldn’t have been right anyway. I may have a secret love for complication but I don’t have the heart to be the complication.
Oh well. At least I did it.
It really sucks that it had to end so quickly like nothing happened (just as it should be) but I’m glad that I even had the guts to do something like that. And it’s pretty awesome to know that I’m not as unattractive as I thought I looked. I have wonderful eyes. *wink*
Irrepressible desire, regretful decision, Illicit emotions…am I finally feeling everything I’ve missed out on High school?
I have been occupying myself with workish-related stuff lately to distract myself from opening…that thing on Facebook. That “thing” either gives me blissful hopes or deep sorrow but either way, neither are acceptable under the current circumstances. I shouldn’t have clicked “that” and maybe in a few days, I would have forgotten about that regrettable decision to make. I wouldn’t be so conflicted right now or ever if I never have to see it on my news feed. Bottom line, I’m in deep shit.
I blame Anna’s For The First Time In Forever for this. If it weren’t for that stupid song, I wouldn’t have done “that”. Being indifferent, cold and hollow were working just fine, but no, stupid me says; at least I have a chance. Ugh.
Why didn’t I experience this when I was in High school? Why do I have to experience this now at such a crucial phase and unfair situation? This isn’t right; this mistake-of-a-feeling is at a terribly wrong place and wrong time.The even harder part is have no idea when this so-called "feeling" will strike again, and how powerful would it be then. And with that harder state, there is of course the hardest state.
The truth that the fact that this is this difficult, could mean it is something worth it. A dying, illusory hope for something forbidden. It’s a lot like magic.